Drowning in Diapers: What's On My Mind: September 26th

Sam at the local sprinkler playground this summer...

Quote of My Day...

"I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which came to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which came to me as blossom, goes on as fruit."~Dawna Markova

What's On My Mind Today...

Last night I was watching the sitcom "The New Adventures of Old Christine." Not sure if I really like the show that much but Henry was up and it was the only thing on that I could tolerate. It was one of the times when I needed a no-brainer kind of show to pass the time and keep me awake. Anyway, the show actually got me thinking. It was all about whether Christine (main character in case you don't watch the show) is the kind of person who says "yes to life." After the show was over I couldn't stop thinking about whether the "new" me--the SAHM--is a person who says "yes to life." This question was weighing heavy on my mind since I turn 40 next month. So, after thinking about it, I must be truthful and say that I don't know the answer! Who would think that a sitcom on television would provoke such introspection...

So here are a few rambling thoughts for and against my being a person who says "yes to life."

"Yes to Life"

I love my husband.
I gave birth to two beautiful boys. When fertility treatments failed after four years of trying I didn't give up. I kept trying. And then the miracle of life happened (twice!)unassisted by technology and medicine.
I love animals (hence my two dogs and three cats). Despite what my husband may think, my cats and dogs have not taken a back seat now that we have kids. I love them all as much today as I did before Sam and Henry came along.
I embrace all things artistic--I may not always act upon it, but I appreciate and I'm easily inspired by music, books, art, etc. Especially photography...
When I love and care about something, I love and care about it/him/her deeply.
I am not afraid to express my emotions. I cry at movies. I cry at night sometimes after checking on my kids sleeping because they are so precious and I love them so much. Poetry, good poetry that is, can bring a tear to my eye. Memories always choke me up. I'm a cryer.
I've made new friends and I like meeting people. Moving to a small town was hard. I got involved with a local MOMS Club and found some friends. And I know they are friends. I actually have more friends now than I did when I lived in the big city. And what is important is that I know deep down these are good friendships.

"No to Life"...

I haven't seen a movie that was nominated for an academy award in an actual movie theater in two years. It used to be my mission to see every movie nominated in the best drama catagory.
I used to wear makeup all the time. Not around the house or anything. But if I was going out where there was the slightest chance I'd run into someone I would know, I'd have on makeup. Not a lot of makeup but enough so that I looked decent. My makeup hasn't been used in so long I should probably throw it out because it is expired or contaminated with some kind of deadly germ.
I used to drive a really cool car, a Saab. Now I drive a mini-van. No need for further explanation...
I used to attend poetry readings. In town tonight is the first famous (in other words, actually published a book and went on a book tour) poet I ever heard at a poetry reading, Carolyn Forche. Fabulous poet. Incredible poetry. I can barely stay awake past 8:00 at night let alone go to a poetry reading! But how I would love to hear her read again...
I'm terrible at returning phone calls. I'm terrible at answering the phone (there might be someone on the other end!). The phone is like the world invading my home, my life. Not answering it is definitely one for the "no to life" list.
I used to like the beach. Now I like pools. And I have to have a lounge chair. Sitting in the sand on a towel just doesn't work for me anymore.
Too often I care more about taking pictures and making sure I "get the shot" than I do about enjoying the experience or moment.
I used to listen to music all the time--in the house and the car. Now I listen to talk radio or news in the car and the only music being played on my iPod is music I download for my kids. My cd collection is in boxes collecting dust and waiting for me to catalog them for an ebay sale.
I don't recycle and I don't eat leftovers. I'm a terrible human being....
I don't have a garden. I kill plants just by looking at them.
I don't go to church yet some of my favorite music and bands are labeled "christian" or "inspirational." How hypocritical is that?
I have relationship struggles within my family that I ignore. Perhaps because I find addressing these struggles to be painful and I hate pain and anquish so I choose to ignore. Or perhaps I've given up and deep down I know fixing things just isn't going to happen in this lifetime and I have to accept things the way they are and move on.
I don't pluck my eyebrows or have them waxed on a regular schedule. Having a job where I went to an office and actually interacted daily with humans over the age of 2 was a real boost for personal grooming. I say that because now that I stay at home with children things like plucking my eyebrows or having them waxed in a salon (wow, wouldn't that be nice?) are very rare occassions.
I don't watch the news or keep up on what is going on in the world. Whether this is because deep down I find it all depressing or because I don't have time, I'm not sure. Probably a little of both. My dad keeps me posted on all things political and all things republican.

It looks to me like the "no to life" list is winning. Well, it looks like I have a new project--learn to say "yes to life" more often so the yes list catches up with the no list.

What is Making Me Happy Today...

I made a good pot of coffee this morning. That is what is making me happy (and keeping me awake)...

SAHM Product I Love Today

Mrs. Meyers cleaning products. In addition to the Fuller line of products, I like the Meyers cleaning products for cleaning because they are are made with natural essential oils, are biodegradable and phosphate-free, and never tested on animals. I like the "geranium" scent. I use the multi-purpose cleaner, the kitchen sink scrub and the dryer sheets. Everything smells great when I've used Mrs. Meyers stuff. Try it...

SAHM Product I Hate Today

Since I'm going to start saying "yes" to life, I should probably not hate anything today...

My iTunes Kid Picks of the Day

I mentioned in my "no" list that I like a lot of "inspirational" music. Today I pick some of my favorites to share....tunes both me and my son, Sam, like!