Drowning in Diapers: "Zap"

One of my favorite fall photos of my dad, taken in the Laurel Mountains several years ago...

Quotes of My Day

"The most exciting breakthroughs of the 21st century will not occur because of technology but because of an expanding concept of what it means to be human." ~John Naisbitt

"Sometimes you have to be selfish to be selfless." ~Edward Albert

My Happiness Today

It is Thursday and I the sitter is coming for a few hours. Boy does that make me happy...

On My Mind

First it was scientists inventing vaccines to curb bad habits (refer to my archives). Now I have come across an article from last week that is very interesting, if not downright crazy and insane, that depicts yet another wacky story from the world of science. Here is an excerpt and a few of my responses:

Study Spots the Brain's Selfishness 'Off-Switch'

Civil society may hinge on a tiny piece of tissue at the front of the human brain, a new study suggests.
Experiments involving a "fairness" game show that the right side of this region -- called the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex -- helps people suppress selfish urges in obviously unjust situations, even at their own expense.
The Swiss and American team behind this research noted that, despite a long history of crime, wars and rapaciousness, human beings are innately cooperative. In fact, Homo sapiens is the only species to exhibit "reciprocal fairness" -- the punishment of others' unfair behaviors, even in situations where doing so hurts the punisher.

Selfish urges. Now this is an interesting topic, especially for mothers. We certainly are thrown in the mix of a lot of unjust situations. Scientists really need to talk to us about addressing selfish urges and unjust situations. Instead of having people play "fairness games," I think scientists would be better off inventing an "urge remote" that people, especially mothers and wives, can use to zap anyone who is being selfish or contributing to us being in unjust situations. Kind of like that movie "Click"with Adam Sandler (not that I've seen it, but I've seen the previews).

Here are a few ways this SAHM would use her "urge remote":

Sex: Let's face it, when you've dealt with cranky kids, poop and snot all day and you are sleep deprived, sex is not a top priority. It is something we watch others do on Gray's Anatomy (McDreamy and McSteamy really help erase the snot and poop and sleep deprivation) and Desperate Housewives. "Zap" the husband, even though he loves and adores me and wants to enjoy me. He now won't initiate sex when he knows I'm tired and cranky and just want to watch Gray's Anatomy or catch up on the Young and the Restless on Soapnet (yes, it is one of my selfish, waste-of-time weaknesses--I am a woman who loves her story...).
Meals from Scratch: I'd love to cook a fancy meal and have a new gourmet dish served to my family every night, but since my son doesn't eat and I'm usually too tired and too busy to prepare anything from scratch these days, the Schwann's meals or stuff from Sam's Club will just have to suffice. "Zap" the family. They are now happy with what I give them to eat and they eat it. Some nights we even eat out. Some nights a chef from the Food Network shows up at my door and begs to make our dinner.
Naps: How nice would it be if both my kids took naps at the same time not just once a day, but twice a day. "Zap" the kids. They now are taking naps twice a day and I am now able to lounge around eating chocolates (Godiva of course), catching up on the Young and the Restless and reading a book a day. Oh, the life of a SAHM...
Money: I miss buying books on Amazon whenever I want (hardcovers, too!) and having new clothes each season. It is just way too unjust that I am deprived of these luxuries in life. I wish I could buy my kids Hanna Anderson clothes and the latest Gap Kids and Gymboree outfits (at least the cute ones). "Zap" the economy. Society now recognizes the value of a SAHM (i.e. Dr. Laura says SAHMs produce better kids that grow up to be achieving, well-adjusted citizens and she is right about everything, at least that what she says) and pays us all great salaries just for staying home with our kids. I now have a book and clothing allowance that lets me delight in hardcover books, clothes from stores I used to shop in when I had a real job (J.Jill, Coldwater Creek, J. Crew, Banana Republic, etc.) and my kids are so fashionably dressed they belong on the cover of Child magazine (the kids on the cover of that magazine are always dressed to the nines).
Formula: I hate the powder formula but use it because it is so much more affordable. But I love the liquid formula. It is just so much easier to prepare and easier for my baby to digest. "Zap" the inventors of formula. Liquid is now the only way to purchase formula and it is affordable. No longer do I have to deal with the yucky paste at the bottom of the bottles. No longer must I heat the water and pray all the powder dissolves as I go at it vigourously with the wire whisk. My kid doesn't burp a lot. And he poops better...(I know, TMI)
Coupons: Yes coupons are great but they are a pain. You have to sort through them, catalog them and, most important, you must remember to take them with you to the store and compare the sales ads in the Sunday circulars so you know which store is the best one to visit and use your coupons that week. "Zap" the grocery stores and companies that distribute food. Food is now so cheap we do not need coupons. We can even by all name-brand food and not as many store-brands to save money (sometimes the store-brand is just as good if not better than the name-brand so I won't give them up completely in this zapping situation).
Grey Hair: The further and further I get into the journey of motherhood, the more grey hair I seem to find on my head. That and the fact that in two weeks I will be forty. "Zap" the Almighty. God snaps his fingers and he eliminates mothers from the grey hair gene and we all have shiny, lusterous locks that are the same color as the day we are born (unless we want to change our hair color and then it is our choice, not God's). And we don't turn 40. We stay 25 forever and look like we are 25. That is God's gift to us for bearing children.
Sleep: How I miss a good night's sleep. "Zap" the kids (they are hungry, their diaper is wet, they dropped their binky out of the crib). "Zap" the husband (he grinds his teeth and thrashes, pulling the covers all over the place). "Zap" the Almighty (he made me and while there are many flaws in my construction one of the biggest is being a light sleeper--everything and anything keeps me awake--and another is being a worrier so I stay awake worrying about things I have no control over). I now get a perfect night of sleep. I wake up refreshed and beautiful without bags under my eyes. My husband and children look at me each morning and remark on how beautiful I am. The Schwann's man even notices my refreshing, youthful appearance.

In all seriousness, I just don't understand why our government is wasting time and money on things like this. There are so many more scientific issues that need attention. Like Breast Cancer. Like AIDS. Like SIDS. Like Global Warming. And I could just go on and on and on with this list but I won't because this blog entry is long enough as it is. Basically, it comes down to this. If the world of science and our government have time and money to invent vaccines that curb bad habits and games that prove we have selfish urges in unjust situations (duh..), well science and the government are just downright pathetic. Even this SAHM knows there are more important things to worry about in the world. Like kids and family.

Perhaps a good night's sleep, a steamy episode Gray's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives or the Young and the Restless, a box of Godiva chocolates, some hip new clothes, the latest and greatest novel in hardback and a Schwann's man is just what they need to get their priorities in order...

Funny Video of the Day:

Very funny View skit.....not for kids!