Drowning in Diapers: My Story?

Henry, three months old....

Quote of My Day

"We are the hero of our own story."
~Mary McCarthy

My Happiness Today

I went to Philly yesterday with the boys to see my nieces and nephew. Seeing them yesterday made me really happy and that happiness is spilling over to today...

On My Mind

Okay, I'm 40 now. Been 40 for two weeks or so. I thought I would feel different. But I don't. I feel like the same sleep deprived, coffee-loving, nap-worshiping, hate-to-wear-makeup kind of woman that I was when I was 39. So I ask myself, at 40, "what is my story?" I've been told that everyone has a story to tell but I sit here at 6:00 a.m., cup of coffee in hand, awake baby next to me, thinking about my story. From where I sit at this moment, my story is not very exciting. Don't get me wrong. I have two wonderful children and a great husband. I get to stay home and raise my kids which is a luxury these days. I drive a mini-van with a DVD player (but hey, it has seat warmers). My story has to be more than this. And so today I am thinking about my story. My quote for today reflects these thoughts and I think about what kind of hero am I. I guess a Mom is a hero. But somehow I see a hero as being something extraordinary in the world.

If I were to write the story of my life and not live it (in other words, me in fiction), I suppose I would want some of these things in my story. I am too tired to even think about the hero part so I'll save that for another day...

I'd be a world traveler. Even though I hate to fly, I want to see the world. I want to go to Ireland, Scotland, Norway, France, Greece, Australia, New Zealand and Spain. I want to take my kids with me and let them see history up close. All by the time I'm 50. And I'd stay in fancy hotels and castles eating great food and drinking great wine (not that I know what a great bottle of wine looks like since I've never been much of a wine enthusiast or drinker).
I'd live in Montana where the skys are big and blue and the winters warm and cozy. I'd have a ranch with lots of dogs and cats. And people to change the kitty litter. I'd ski, hike, moutain bike and fly-fish.
I'd have a garden and not kill the plants and vegetables I grow. Nothing more be said about this.
I'd drive a BMW 2002. I always wanted one of those cute little cars. And it would be black. and if I couldn't find one of those to buy, I'd drive a mini-coop or a hot pink Volkswagon bug. I keep seeing a hot pink one driving around town and I like it a lot. My husband would never let that happen, though. Even though a Volkswagon is a german car and he is the lover of all cars german, he'd never allow a hot pink car anywhere near his garage or boys.
I'd write a novel, historical fiction. I'd do the research for my novel while traveling through those countries I mentioned in line one.
I'd be a professional photographer and photograph celebrity children. Some of the photos I see in the papers and magazines of celebrity children are terrible. I could do better. Maybe not Annie Lebowitz better, but better.
I'd write a nationally syndicated column about motherhood and all its glories.
I'd exercise and enjoy it.
I'd have an apartment in Manhattan that I would visit on weekends and take my boys so they have culture in their lives. They'd visit all the museums, art galleries and learn what good food tastes like (not that I'm a bad cook, I'm actually a pretty good cook).
I'd have a cleaning lady (or man, I don't care, just as long as they can clean my house).
I'd be rich, otherwise I couldn't do any of these things in my story.

Like most people, I guess I often think to myself that there has got to be more to life than "this." "This" meaning my life as it is now. It is like I am always waiting for my life to start, anticipating that moment when "this" is here and life officially begins. I thought when my first child was born that I'd arrived and that life would now begin. Same with my second child. Same with getting married. Same with moving to a new town. All these events prompted thoughts of new life and new beginnings. But my life is the same but with a few new additions and a lot less money now that I don't work. I spend most days at home playing with my son (I've become an expert at making car sounds) and cuddling my infant. I deal with poop (baby and dog), puke, tantrums and house cleaning on a daily basis. And the house never seems clean. The poop never stops. The tantrums continue. So I guess for now, this is my story. This is my life. I don't feel much like a hero. Perhaps next week that will happen.

What I'm Reading

Currently I am reading "The Last Bolyen" by Karen Harper. So far, so good.

Funny Video of the Day: Making Whoopie

I just love Ellen Degeneres...